is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
this just has baby written all over it
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
