oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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