There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
