When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
