I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
