how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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