I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
