Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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