Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
