i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The feeling are messing with the penis
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
