I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
