I can text with my tongue
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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