i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
