i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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