Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize