I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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