Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
