just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
