was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
