You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
