Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Screwed.edu
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize