you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He passed out mid-signature
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
