If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
