Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Go christen that room with your naked body.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
