I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
