I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
two words...techno handjob
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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