Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
