Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
