i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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