I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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