You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
