Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
