3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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