He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
