Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
