I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
