He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I need to calm my uterus...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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