True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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