i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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