Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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