Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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