1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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