girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
