the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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