I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
