she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
