im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
