jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize