We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
