it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
