Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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