Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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