onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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