please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
