You can't special order awesome
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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