I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
