Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
