guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
