just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Pants are for mortals
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
