iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
