When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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