I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
