pop tarts are not kleenex
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
