It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
