Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize