That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
