her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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