just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
