So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
